How to go to Visitation Without Throwing-Up

My name is Joshua and I have been going to visitation since I was born in October 1991. I have got there by car, van, 18 wheeler truck, train, taxicab and airplane. When I was a baby I didn't care.

When I got bigger I would cry not to go. My dad would hold me and I would shake and cry. I wasn't afraid of my mom I just did not want to go away. I wanted everyone I loved to stay around me. I traveled to visitation and home 4 to 6 times a year for the big holidays, spring break and summer.

Later I would get mad because my friends where I lived most of the time would get to do lots of stuff while I was gone. My dad said it was not only a order of the court but it was the right thing to do. It cost my mom and my dad a lot of money and trouble to send me back and forth. I would get upset and worried about going and sometimes I made a big deal out of it. I would say I never wanted to go ever again. Sometimes I would even throw-up.

My mom had to work a lot. I spent most of my time with a baby-sitter and sometimes with my grown-up half-sister and her children. I love my mom and would have a great time with her. I wouldn't be nervous or worried when I was with her.

Then last summer my mom said she probably would not have the money to have me for the summer. I got really upset. I was surprised because I thought I didn't want to go. But when I thought I couldn't go my feelings were hurt. Finally I did get to go for 9 days instead of 42 and I was happy. Now it looks like I won't get to see her much and I am sad about that. I would like to go and see her when I want to see her. Not when the judge or the money says I can.

Visitation has been a big thing in my life and I hope I can help you with yours. Joshua Evans


Example #1 from the book Example #2 from the book Table of Contents

Some grown-ups don't like the name of my book but they like the stuff in it. Children and grown-ups have reviewed my book so I hope you will not pay attention to the name and give me a chance to help. Josh.

Highly Recommend

My step-daughter often flew to Chicago when she was growing up to spend time with her father who had moved there. She adored her step sisters and brothers and always had a good time once she was in Chicago. But the thought of the trip and the return always daunted her. I analyzed this book in terms of how much solace it would have provided to her when she was about 10. I think the book would have been a brilliant resource for her.

The book has several different focuses which include:

  • 1. Things that children wish their divorced parents would do and not do.
  • 2. Things that children wish the other people in their lives would do and not do.
  • 3. Affirmations to deal with fears about visitations and other scary subjects.
  • 4. Advice on how to handle the trip with the most pleasure and least risk.
  • 5. Lists to help organize for the trip.
  • 6. Activities to do while traveling and during the visitation.
  • 7. Solace that others have done this before and survived just fine.

In that sense, this isn't a book designed to be read and memorized from beginning to end. It's more like a book to dip into selectively when one needs objective support. It might especially come in handy when a child cannot reach a parent by telephone to talk about her or his feelings.

I suspect that Joshua Shane Evans' step-mother gave him more than a little assist on this project. I salute her for doing so . . . and doing so without adding her name to the cover. Nice!

Helping Children and Parents since 1992