Win Your Child Custody War

13th Edition

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: War or Peace

Organization of this Manual

How to Use this Manual

Conventions of this Manual

Divorce Chronology

Custody Case Chronology

The Right to be Happy

Frequently Asked Questions

Right to Counsel Legal Aid

Legal Clinics

Pray for Peace - Prepare for War

Intended Audience

Married - Unmarried Parents




Psychological Parent

Possessory Conservator

Stepparents or Grandparents

Significant Other

Whose Custody Case is This?

Best Interest

Who Should Not Fight

Reasons You Enter the War

Abuse Excuse

Children as Pawns

Factors Influencing Decisions

Types of Custody

Life's Timeline

Short Timeline

Dealing with the Opposition

Understand the Argument

Non-Custodial Emotions

Custodial Emotions

Common Child Custody Myths

Chapter 2: You Are the Package

Parent's Bill of Rights

Baby Come Back

Sex and Your Ex

State of Mind or Mindlessness

Safety Nets


New Relationships

On the Hot Seat, So What?

Unsolicited Help

Spotting Bad Advice

The Rescuer

Rescuer's Dilemma

Emotional Vampires

Thanks, But No Thanks

Planning Your R&R

Avoid Feel Bad People

Autobiography in Five Chapters

Common Story

Aid to the Opposition

It's Your Battle Because


Personal Security

Bunker (Your Home)

Demilitarized Zone

Maneuvers, Planned Action


From Now On


No Sniveling or Whining

The Most Important Witness

People on My Side

Need-to-Know Basis

Confidentiality Promise/Breach

Your Ex -- Your Secrets

I Think I Need a Shrink

Confidentiality - Psychologists

Secret Help: Psychologist


Confidentiality - Inventories

Your Inventory

Opposition's Inventory

Inventory Evaluation

Child's Inventory

Parent as a Soldier

Ask the Real Question

The One I Feed

Proper Responses

Being or Dealing with a Victim

Types of Victims

Self-Victimizing Victims

Tormentor Victims

Real and Counterfeit Victims

Victim Mentality

Feeling Vengeful

Planning Your Conversations

Duck Muck

Dress for Custody Success

Chapter 3: Issues - Strategies

No One Cares

Your Case Issues

Issue - Non Issue Work Sheet

Forcing a Non - Issue

Possible Issues

Different Eyes - Different Issues

Parenting During the Case

Expectation and Reality

Expectation of Privacy


Dealing with Phone Harassment

Grace Under Fire

Opening Communication

It Lives, It Grows

Reality Check

Well, Get Over It!

Desire Versus Reality

Looking Past 2011

Changes in the Wind

Strategic Interaction

Strategy = Planning

Battles or Games = Strategy

Opposition Acting Badly

Deliberate, Rational Opposition

Tactic, Technique, Strategy

Chapter 4: Child's Perspective

Child's Bill of Rights

Telling the Children

Things That Hurt - Help

Child and Parent Match

Book or Video of Your Child's Live


Children and Attachment

I Want to Stay with You

Get Ready for Good Bye

Whim or Survival

A Phone Call Away

Children Who Want to Choose

Choice of Conservator

Preference: Not Enough

Support Documentation

Child's Choice Case Appeal

Children Who Can't Choose

Caretaker Danger

Psychological Parent

Termination of Both Parents

Child's Realities

Dealing with Child's Fears


Turn Leaving into Going

What You Can Do To Help

Discipline During the Case

Types of Parental Discipline

Not What I Meant to Say

Successful Child-Time

You Are Always On My Mind

Document Now For Later

Children Stir Things Up

Unhappy Children

Our Children's Anger

Influencing Perspective

Child Should Know

Walk the Talk

Parent's Responsibilities

Children Need

Buying the Pain Away

Too Much Hurt

Time to Change

Confidentiality - Children

Chapter 5: Native American Children

Intake Procedure

Visitation Center Rules

Documentation Guidelines

Reporting to the Court

Data Privacy

Requesting Supervision

For Both Parents

When Supervision Ends

Abuse Behaviors at Visitation

Threats Implied or Overt

8 Types of Stalking

Post-Trial Rights

Sex and Your Ex

State of Mind or Mindlessness

Safety Nets


New Relationships

On the Hot Seat, So What?

Unsolicited Help

Spotting Bad Advice

The Rescuer

Rescuer's Dilemma

Emotional Vampires

Native American Cases

Thanks, But No Thanks

Planning Your R&R

Planning Your Conversations

Avoid Feel Bad People

Autobiography in Five Chapters

OCommon Story

Aid to the Opposition

It's Your Battle Because


Personal Security

Bunker (Your Home)

American Indian Child Welfare

Demilitarized Zone

Maneuvers, Planned Action


Adoptive Families

Tribal Court

Start Here

Divorce/Child Custody

Guidelines for State Courts

Child Custody Proceedings

Voluntary Proceedings


Chapter 6: Pre-Birth - Breastfeeding

Birth Father Registries

Pre-Birth Paternity

Tender Years Doctrine

Pre-Birth Consent

Breastfeeding Cases

Breast Milk Shelf Life

Wet Nursing

Primary Caretaker

Father's Fears

Mother's Fears

Organizational Experts

Breastfeeding Benefits


Nanny Cams

Pump and Go


Chapter 7: Home Schooling

Types of Home Schooling

An International Movement

Schedule and Methods


Home Schooling in Custody Cases

Qualified to Home School


Pro Home Schooling

Pro Commentary

Assembling Advocates

Proving a Pro Position

Educating the Educator

Against Home Schooling

Parent's Fears

A Father's Story

A Mother's Story

Assembling Advocates

Proving a Con Position

Program Termination

Political Asylum

Current Case

Home Schooling Cases



Chapter 8: Special Needs

Parents with Disabilities

Types of Disabilities

Hearing Impairments

Epilepsy/Seizure Disorders

Parent-to-Parent Network

Legal Program

Additional Reading


Children with Disabilities


Support Group

Web Help for CWSN

Visitation with Disabilities

Multicultural Communities




Chapter 9: Visitation/ Supervised Visitation

Types of Visitation

Is a Right of the Child

Grandparent Visitation

Exercising Visitation

Successful Visitation

Your Interference, Your Visit

Passports and Travel Visas

Before You Buy the Tickets

Unaccompanied Minors

Fear of Flying

My Child Hates Visitation

The Only Right Messages

Custodial Responsibilities

Non-Custodial Responsibilities

I Don't Want to Visit You

Parental Interference

Proving Interference

Proving Non-Interference

Proving Intent to Visit

Step-By-Step Process

Tort - Interference

Interference Cases

Arizona Law 13-13 (6/1/)

Interference Money

Visitation Bond

$60,0 Visitation Bond


Supervised Visitation

Types of Supervised Visitation

Famous Parents Supervised

Supervised Visitation Options

How Supervision Helps

Obtaining a Court Order


Preparing Your Child

When CPS Gets A Call

Continue Investigation

CPS Treats Me Badly

Child/ Family Assessment

Court-Ordered Cooperation

CPS Calls or Knocks

Get the Policy Manual

Removal of the Children

If Your Child Is Removed

Children's Attorney

Getting Child Back from CPS

Change of Circumstances

Filing a Complaint

Chapter 10: Grandparent or Kinship

De facto Custody Laws

Grandparent - Legal Custodian

Heartbreaking Civil War

5 Family Situations Examined

Family Foster Parents

Types of Guardianship

Virginia Grandparent Custody

Rights and Responsibilities

Stepparent Adoption

Extended Relative Child Care

Parent v. Grandparent Cases

6 Months Grandparents Care

Child's Parent Dies

Grandparents v. Father

Grandparents v. Mother

Visitation Unconstitutional

Grandparent Custody

Information and Referral

Grandparent Care

Grandparent Care

Temporary Guardianship

Appointment of Guardian



Chapter 11: PAS

Parental Alienation Syndrome

Hostility and Child Custody

PAS is Not


Actual Alienating Person

False Accusations of PAS

Unconscious Messages

Conscious Messages

Other Parent Is A Chameleon

Combating PAS

Proving Positive Contact

Action May Proceed for PAS

PAS Excluded

Child's Parental Alignment

Healing the PAS Child

PAS Cases

Recognized Syndromes

Three Reasons to Negotiate

Right Place - Right Time



Guidelines for Discussion

How to Negotiate

Is it Going Well? 190

Negotiation Techniques 190

Negotiation Tricks


Your Agendas

Changing Strategies

Types of Defensive Behaviors

Remedies for Behaviors

Strategic Case Boosters

Proactive, Not Reactive

Activities to Cultivate

Outline for Discussion

Medical and Dental

Chapter 12: Child Abuse

Broad Definition

Child in Danger

Interviewing Children

Violence Assessment

Proving What You Know

Risk Assessment

CPS Gets Involved

Special Victims

Failure to Protect Case

Exposure to Abuse/Violence


Abuse Triggers

Indications - Negligence/Abuse

Accusation of Abuse

Child's Reactions to Abuse

Mandatory Reporters

No Penalty for Reporting Abuse

Motivation of Reporters

Explanations of Abuse Terms

Has Child Been Abused?

Münchhausen's by Proxy

Abuser's Reaction

Survivor Children

Chapter 13: False Allegations of Sexual Abuse

False Allegations Are Made

Why and What

Making False Allegations

Children -- False Allegations

Long-Term Consequences

Preventing False Accusations

If You Are Falsely Accused

Dealing with False Reports

One Parent's Approach

Profile of False Accuser

A History of Abuse

Post-Accusation Behavior

Request Supervised Visits

Disproving False Allegations

Sue for False Allegations

Harassment or Retaliation

Children Who Recant




Chapter 14: Child Protective Services

Who Are These People?

Restraining Order Against You

Confidentiality - Employment

Employee Evaluation

Back-Up Plan

Internet Security and Privacy

Internet Usergroups

E-Mail - Confidentiality

E-Mail Disclaimers

Dangers of Blogging

Your Computer - Their Attorney

Work From Home

Opportunities and Challenges

Office and Children



Chapter 15: Religion

Value to the Individual


Separation of Church and State

Jehovah's Witnesses






Religious Cases

Intra-Faith Challenges


Chapter 16: Conflict Resolution

Problems They Cause

Problem Solving

Common Problem Situations

Common Challenges

Situation List

Opposition's Motivation

Why They Do That

Conflict the Dance

Reaction List

New Responses


Why Cooperate?

Opposition Will Cooperate?

Reducing Differences

Aim to Negotiate, Not to Win

Discover Hidden Agendas

Children's Agendas


Types of Thinking

Moral Obligation

Changing Strategies

Mediator with Attorneys

Not Really the Same

Using Professionals

Three Reasons to Negotiate

Right Place - Right Time



Guidelines for Discussion

How to Negotiate

Is it Going Well? 190

Negotiation Techniques 190

Negotiation Tricks


Your Agendas

Changing Strategies

Types of Defensive Behaviors

Remedies for Behaviors

Strategic Case Boosters

Proactive, Not Reactive.

Activities to Cultivate

Outline for Discussion

Medical and Dental

Chapter 17: Smoking

For Smokers

Smoking and Child Abuse

Second-Hand Smoke

Second-Hand Marijuana Smoke

Third-Hand Smoke

Exposure Affects Teeth

Is Child Still Exposed?

Children's Surgery

Parental Smoking - Child's IQ

Smoking and Autism

Sperm Trouble for Future


Court's Reaction

Passive Smoke

Make Them Stop

Proving Exposure to Smoke

Chemicals and Dangers




Chapter 18: Job - Custody - Internet


Running on Empty

Stability - Reliability

Cost to the Company


Enabling Behaviors

Punitive Behaviors

The Supervisor Must

The Supervisor Can't

Violence in the Workplace

Employer Liability

Workplace Safety Plan

Crisis Situations

Restraining Order Against You

Confidentiality - Employment

Employee Evaluation

Back-Up Plan

Internet Security and Privacy

Internet Usergroups

E-Mail - Confidentiality

E-Mail Disclaimers

Dangers of Blogging

Your Computer - Their Attorney

Work From Home

Opportunities and Challenges

Office and Children



Chapter 19: Friend or Enemy?

Make Words Work for You

It's Your Army; Censor It


Marital Privilege

Spousal Privilege and Your Ex

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Security Breach

If You Disregard This Advice

Fear and Communication

Equal - Unequal Relationships

Communication Test

Dealing with Fear

News-Flash Junkies

Safe Answers

Friendly Fire

People Who Cause Damage

Important to Ponde

Family In-laws and Outlaws

Your Parents

Opposition's Parents

Your Children

Friends, Extended Family

Far Away Friends

Closest Friends

Old Friends

On-the-Job Friends

Buddies and Pals

Online Friends

New Friends

The Agendas of Your Friends

Friendly Strangers

Know The Opposition

Data Sheet


Information and Misinformation

Examining Information

Sources of Information

Your Attorney

Opposition's Attorney

Your Private Investigator

From the Opposition

Outside or Questionable Sources


Your Child



Other Peoples Money

Can't Pay Witness to Not Testify

Case Killers

List of Activities to Avoid

Hurts You Worse Than Them

Anger and Joy

Chapter 20: Documentation - Evidence

Reasons for Documentation

Documentable Information

Example Data

School Grades and Attendance

Teacher to Parent Referral

Child's School Assessment

Private Investigator



Guardian ad litem

Incident Report

Telephone Log

Methods of Documentation

Appointment Book

Contact Log

Telephone Contact Log

Fill-In Form

Index Cards


Audio Recorder



Types of Evidence

Direct Evidence

Indirect Evidence

Circumstantial Evidence

Character Evidence

Credible Evidence

Clear and Convincing Evidence

Preponderance of Evidence


Best-Evidence Rule

Self-Authenticating Evidence

Contact Logs

Admissible Evidence

From Social Networking Sites

Backdooring Evidence

Exclusion of Evidence

Websites as Evidence

Websites Live On

Internet Information

E-mail Evidence

Duty to Preserve

Chain of Evidence

Spoliation of Evidence

Spoliation = Judgment?


Take Photos of Everything

Children Love 'Em

The Dark Side

How Do I Prove...


Failure to Protect

Medical/Dental Neglect

Medical Expense Fraud




Unsanitary Conditions

Inadequate Supervision

Initial Investigation Process

Formal Investigation Process

Evidence - No One Cares


When Evidence Doesn't Matter

Chapter 21: Contact Log

Is It Worth Doing?

Importance of a Contact Log

Offensive and Defensive

Authority and Validity

Controlling the Opposition

Simplicity and Speed

Codes for Log Book



Exposing the Log

Confidentiality - Log

Crucial Data to Record

Customize Your Log

Start Log Notation

Contact Log


Chapter 22: Equipment - Services



Caller ID


Camera, Video

Cell Phone

Cell Phone Video Clips


Contact Log


Fax Machine

Home Testing Kits



Paper Shredder

Recorder - Audio


Telephone, Cellular, Mobile

Telephone, Recorder on Phone



Recording Phone Calls

Federal Wiretap Law


Recorded Calls as Evidence

Different Jurisdictions

Penalties for Wiretap

Right to Record Trial

Citations for Cases

No Need, Ex Parte Wiretap Order

Calls Between Child-Other Parent

Legal Limits of Spyware

Interspousal Wiretap Exception

Voice-mail is Discoverable

Business Wiretap Exception

Recording In-Person Chats

Invasion of Privacy

Confidentiality - Equipment


Accident Investigation Services



Beautician or Barber

Conciliation Court

Day-Care Workers

Private Investigator




Realtime Transmission

Legal Transcribers

Parent Locator Service

Parenting Classes

Paralegal Service and Legal Technicians

Patrol Service


Spy Shops



Travel Agent

Testing Services

Lie Detector Test

Paternity (DNA) Testing

Paternity Twin Fathers

Collecting Hair Evidence

Necessary for DNA Testing

Challenges to DNA Testing

Negative Test - Still Father

Paternity May Be Settled

Contesting Paternity

Paternity Can't Be Contested

Mother Lied

Can't Sue Wife for Lying

Non-Biological Father May Get Child

Computer Data Retrieval

Confidentiality - Services

Chapter 23: Drugs - Alcohol

Prescription Medications

Illegal Drugs and Children

Types of Drug Tests

Drug Tests

Proof of Drug Use

Sweat Patch Testing

Sweat Patch Cases

Saliva Drug Testing

Urine Analysis

Urinalysis Procedure

Will You Take a Drug Test?

Factors that Invalidate Tests

Hair Analysis

Hair Testing Cases

Blood Testing

Factor 10 Impairment Test

Drug or Alcohol Use

Random Testing

Courtroom Samples

False Positives

Passive Inhalation

Club Drugs

Prescription Drug Abuse

Drug Cocktail





Chapter 24: Child's Attorney & GAL

Client-Directed Model

The Attorneys' Roles

Child - Attorney Confidentiality

Attorney Must Explain

Child Determines Objectives

Absence of Objectives

Best Interests Attorney

Assess Best Interests

Guardian ad Litem

GAL / Attorney

Child's Advocate

Attendance at Meetings

Demystifying the GAL

Involvement of the GAL

Responsibilities and Powers

At Court

Special Knowledge

GAL -- The Process

Appointment of GAL

Child's Expressed Wishes

Inappropriate Services

Investigating Issues

The GAL May:

Factors Considered

Parties to be Interviewed

After the Investigation

Judge Gets the GAL's Report

Object to GAL's Report

Preparing Child to Testify

GAL Responsibility Ends

Where GAL's Go Wrong

Court Can Remove GAL

GAL Complaint Procedure

Removal of GAL


Challenge the Appointment

Objection to the Challenge

Challenge Letter

Sex and the GAL


Chapter 25: Represent Yourself - Pro SeL

Client Nobody Wants?

Why No Attorney Wants You

Legal Coach

Representing Yourself

Basic Information

How To pro se

Learn What You Need

Getting Started pro se

Hang Around the Court


What Law School Teaches

Learn to Write

Judge's Complaints

No pro se Recovery of Fees

pro se Discovery Question

Attorney/pro se, No Fee

Court Preparation

In Court

Opening Statement


Undisputed Facts




Objections Procedure 3

Foundations 3

Exhibit Procedure 3

Impeachment 3

Memory 3

Ability to Perceive 3

Closing Argument 3


Pro Se Not Held Same As Licensed Attorney

Non-Lawyers May Assist

One Pro Se's Bad Experience

My Humble Opinion

On-Line State Self-Help

Complaint Filed Against Judge

Judge's Answer to Complaint

Chapter 26: Attorney

Attorney Oath


Attorneys and the Truth

Types of Attorneys

The Attorney You Want

Letters to Client

Another View

Letter to Client #2 3

Truth About Lawyers-Clients

Scumbag's Attorney

Attorney Questionnaire

Navy Legal Assistance

Pre-Paid Legal

Shared Attorney

Attorney Impression Form

Staying on Target

How to Find an Attorney

Initial Consultation

Verify Credentials

Take These to the Consultation

Won't Take Your Case

Good Ole Boy System

Retainers and Fees

More Bang for the Buck.

Promissory Note

Your Case Files

New Place to Look

Secret Weapon

Overzealous Representation

Don't Hire Attorneys Who

Sorting Out the Bad Apples

Positive Attributes

Before a.m. After p.m.

Help with Problems

The Bad Rap Attorneys Get

Confidentiality - Attorney

Attorney - Hacker

Your Breach of Attorney-Client Privilege

Cannot Do

Can Do

Keep a Good Attorney Happy

Attorneys Don't Get Paid

Military Attorney

Case Analysis

Once Over Lightly


Before You Assign

Giving and Getting Bad News

Giving Bad News

Bad News Obligation

Getting Bad News

Worst Ways To Get Bad News:

Attorney Communication Notes

Advised Non-Compliance

Communication With "Them"

Letters to Your Attorney

Sex and Your Attorney

Sex - Client Family Members

Record and Report

Incident Report Examples

Example #1

Example #2

Win Their Attorney Over

Get Rid of Their Attorney

Disqualifying Their Attorney

Pro Se Letter

To Their Attorney #1

Attorney Invoice


Attorney Champion

Accessory to Your Crime

Attorney Can Fire You

My Way or the Highway

Attorney Can't Just Quit

Please Release Me, Let Me Go

Attorney Wants to Quit

Indifferent or Incompetent

Plea to Judge to Keep Attorney

Reasons to Fire Attorney

Fire a Bad Attorney

Discharge Letter

Attorney Discharge Letter

Substitution of Attorney

Punish Bad Attorney

Getting Your Documentation

New Attorney = Delay

Order: Give Retainer Back

Attorney's Fee Slashed

Attorney's Fee Slashed Again

Lawsuits Against Attorneys

Suing Your Attorney

Attorney Discipline

Help from the Bar Association


Public Reprimand






Chapter 27: Private Investigators

Covert Intelligence Division

Decision to Hire

Can Do

Finding One

Code of Ethics

The Interview

Understanding the Costs

Contract or Agreement

Fee Schedule

Avoid Hot Shots

A Snake Is A Snake Is...

Keep A Good PI Happy

Help Your Investigator

PI Communication Notes

Stay Alert

Opposition's PI

Are You Being Watched?

Research Their Investigator

Being Watched is Okay

Getting the Evidence

Surveillance Terms

Seven Assignment/Report

Discovery Bonus In Report

Report Example #7

Confidentiality - PI

Sex and Your PI

PI to Outlaw

Filing A Complaint

Types of Complaints




Chapter 28: Home Study & Evaluations

Purpose for An Evaluation

Types of Evaluations

Who and Why?

Attitude with the Evaluator

Mediators and Evaluators

Facing the Other Parent

To Facilitate this Impression:

When There Are Two of You

Home Study Contact Log

Sensitive to Control

How Important Are They?

Negative Information

Positive Information

What Are They Observing

Guidelines for Evaluators

Confidentiality - Evaluator

If You Gotta Go

Make It Easier for Children

Positive and Negative

The Way To Be With My Child

Evaluator's Report

What Costs are Involved?

Prepare for the Home Study

Book/Video of Your Child's Life

Thirteen Evaluations

Letters from Family and Friends

Letters of Love

Letter to Document Violation

Help from Hell

What Are They Looking For?

Evaluating the Evaluation

Data to Identify Concerns

Note To Evaluator

What Can Be Documented?

Hospital Visit List

Frequent Moving

Compare Apples to Oranges

Collateral Contacts List

Home Study Eliminate the Trash

Misuse of Evaluation

Flaws in the Process

Second Home Study

Evaluating the Study


Due Process and Bias

Burden Shifting

Double or Triple Hearsay

Right to Fair Trial

Personal/Social/Cultural Values

"Friendly Parent Concept"



Testing/Expert, Credibility


Filing a Formal Complaint

Report Admitted Over Objection

Chapter 29: Experts

What Is An Expert?

Education, Training, Experience

Types of Experts 0


Costs Involved

Can't Afford an Expert?

Can Do

Experts Cannot Do

How to Find An Expert

What to Look For in Experts

Letter to Find Psychologist #1

Letter to Find Psychologist #2

Over- or Under-Exposed

Some Are Prostitutes

Verification of Expert Witness

Expert's Credentials

Examples of Expert's Work

Hiring Your Expert

Tests for Expert Opinion

Expert Witness Assignment

Confidentiality - Expert

Confidentiality Agreement

Preparing Expert for Court

Your Expert in Court

Peer Review

Attacking Qualifications

Rehabilitating After Cross

Opposition's Expert

Loose Cannon

Depose Opposition's Expert

Opponent's Expert in Court

Stricter Standards for Experts

Tainted Expert Witness




Chapter 30: Psychologists - Tests

War of the Minds

Who Can Perform Tests?

Types of Psychologists

Check Out the Psychologist

Psychologist Contact Log

Contact Log with Dr. Stewart

Attitude with the Psychologist

Before the Appointment

Facing the Other Parent

Recommendation = Decision

When There Are Two of You

What Are They Looking for?

Positive Character Traits

Send Up Warning Flags Early

The Process of Evaluation

Data: Identify Abilities

Nine Tests for Adults



Criticism of ASPECT

Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory


Criticism of Rorschach

Rotter Incomplete Sentence

Thematic Apperception Test

Wechsler Intelligence Scale

Gudjonsson Scale-2

Sixteen Personality Factor

Confidentiality - Psychologist

Sex and the Psychologist

Filing a Formal Complaint

Change of Custody?

Thirteen Tests for Children

Bricklin Perceptual Scales

Criticism of Bricklin



Stanford-Binet Intelligence

Children's Apperception

Projective Drawings

Bender Gestalt

Wide Range Achievement Test

Family Eruptions Test

Tasks of Development

Anxiety Inventory

Strange Situation Test

Woodcock-Johnson® III

Review the Custody Evaluation

Challenge Evaluations

Assess the Psychologist

Handle a Bad Evaluation

Filing a Formal Complaint

Adult Sentence Completions



Chapter 31: Move Away

Chronology of Important Cases

Military: Relocation

No Move Away Provision

Best interests Move Away

To Fight a Relocation

Limited Presumption

Presumption for Move Away

Order Requiring Notice

Non-Disclosure of Relocation

Failure to Give Notice

Failure to Obey

Factors to Contest Relocation

Objection to Relocation

Order For/Against Relocatio

Relocation Modification Factor

Relocation Package

Factors Not to Be Considered

Burden of Proof

Posting a Security Bond

Sanctions/ Frivolous Objection

Parent Considered, Joint Custody Move


Move Away Affects Visitation

Skype Visits/Condition of Move

Chapter 32: Parental Kidnapping

What is Parental Kidnapping

Failure to Return


Parental Abduction

False Kidnapping Report

Has Child Been Kidnapped?

Emotions During Kidnapping

Before You Call Police

Data Check List to Find Child

Assisting the Police

Previous Incidents

Child is Found

Child is Still Missing

Formerly Abducted Children


Abduction-Resistant Child

Fingerprint Your Child

Profile of the Abductor

Kidnapping Warning Signals

Legal Steps for Recovery

Local Police

U.S. Foreign Service

Civil Suit Against Associates

Uniform Child Custody Act

Damages Awarded

Family Tree

The Paper Trail

Places to Look

Follow the Money

Their Biggest Mistake

Emergency Jurisdiction Ends

Abducted Child, Finds Himself

Kidnapped/Concealed Child

Hide Child, Hide Money

Age, Not Activity

Mother Jailed

Grandmother Jailed

FBI - Parental Kidnapping

International Abduction

Passport Alert Program

International Enforcement

International Remedies Act

Wrongful Retention Claim

Attorney Fees

Right of Custody

Wishes of the Child Exception

Damages Awarded

Both Parents Wanted

State Department Can Do

State Department Cannot Do:

Abduction Friendly Countries

Government Pressure

U.S. Embassy

Criminal Kidnapping Statutes


United States

Parental Kidnapping Act, 0




Chapter 33: Situational Awareness

Proactive Steps

Threat Analysis

The Insider

The Opportunist

The Professional

The Ideologue

The Avenger

Threat Analysis Questions

Threat Assessment

Consider These Questions

Personal Safety Plan

Learn from the Pain of Others

 Panic Situations

# 01 Legal Papers

# 02 Perceived Threat

# 03 Parent Moved Child

# 04 Job/Phone Harassment

# 05 Bruises on Child

# 06 Implied Threats

# 07 Accusation of Abuse

# 08 Exchange Conflict

# 09 Restrict Child's Calls

# 10 Child Not Available

# 11 Public Display of Affection

# 12 Stops Child's Mail

# 13 Removed from Benefits

# 14 No Holiday Visitation

# 15 Calls Upset the Child

# 16 Child In Danger

# 17 Exchange Place Changed

# 18 Other Parent Has Cancer

# 19 Restrict Time with Child

# 20 Bad-Mouthing You

# 21 Working Things Out

# 22 Denial of Contact

# 23 Other Parent Costing $$

# 24 Parental Alienation

# 25 Demand for Information

# 26 Disneyland Parent

# 27 Grandparent Visitation

# 28 Secret Court Documents

# 29 Different Parenting Style

# 30 Conflict at Exchange

# 31 Cyber Stalking

# 32 Ex Parte Hearing - Order

# 33 Child Pressuring Parent

# 34 No Money, No Attorney

# 35 Other Lawyer Costing $$

# 36 Grandparents' Custody

# 37 Child's Preference

# 38 Teenager, No Visitation

# 39 Attorney Wants to Quit

# 40 We Comply, They Don't

# 41 Accused of Sexual Abuse

# 42 Visit Home Is Dangerous

# 43 Opposition Won't Pay

# 44 Lie, Forge, Ignore Court

# 45 Parent Threatens Suicide

# 46 Religious Grounds

# 47 Lawyer Screwed Me

# 48 No Insurance Card

# 49 Volunteer Spy

# 50 Judge's Friend

# 51 Internet Lurking

# 52 Prosecution for Perjury

# 53 Public Harassment

# 54 Change of Circumstances

# 55 Lesbian Mom

# 56 Ex Excluded as Guardian

# 57 Credit Ck/No Permission

# 58 Bio-Dad v Adoptive Parent

# 59 Step-Mom Wants Custody

# 60 Computer Evidence

# 61 Wife Lives Online

# 62 Military Non-Support

# 64 Unfit Parent

# 62 Grandparent Interference

# 63 Searched My House

# 64 Confidentiality of Case

# 65 Fined for Legal Advice

# 66 Grinding Me Down

# 67 Leaving, Owes Support

# 68 Spouse Tips Police

# 69 Bipolar Disorder

# 70 Child's Right to Choose

# 72 Back to Court

# 74 Child's Medical Ignored

# 75 Dangerous Teen

# 76 I Need Partial Custody

# 77 Trashed By The Expert

# 78 Kid's Positive Drug Test

# 79 In Jail, Terminate Rights

# 80 Absent Dad Returns

# 81 Drunks Driving Child

# 82 Money Peaks Interest

# 83 Idealizing Absent Parent

# 84 Adult Abused as Child

# 85 Stepmom as Mom

# 86 Info on New Mom

# 87 Custodial Parent Died

# 88 Support Harassment

# 89 Unsubstantiated Abuse

# 90 Cyber Harassment

# Rumors of Abuse

# Abandonment

# Virtual Assets

Evaluating Your Situation

Anger Against You

The Anger of Others

Restraining Order

Types of Protection Orders

Before the RO or PO is Served

Avoiding Restraining Orders

Avoid Physical Confrontations

Complying With a RO

Dealing with a RO

Personal Protection Order

The Police

Police and Restraining Orders

Stopped While Driving

Approach You on the Street

In All Police Encounters

Pre-Domestic Disturbance

Why You Will Be Arrested

You Can Get Arrested For

Warrantless Search

If You Are Arrested

What You Must Do

Chapter 34: Suicide and Murder

Violence Warning Signs

Illness Warning Signs

A Father's Suicide Note

Statistics and Results

Murder and Custody

Children Witness Horror

Possible Murder-Suicide

Kills Children/Commits Suicide

Children of Suicide

Suicide After Jail Time

Courthouse Suicide

Who is Committing Suicide?

Suicide to Manipulate Others

The Truth About Suicide

Angry Person and Suicide

Feeling Suicidal

What to Tell Children

The Famous Aren't Immune



Chapter 35: Lies and Perjury

Why Do You Believe Them Now?

Lies Change

Types of Lies

Why Do They Lie?

Best Reasons Not to Lie

Conflicting Truths

Memory's Imperfections

Exaggerations - Fabrications

Portrait of the Liar

Who are Better Liars?

When is Someone Lying

Lies by Strangers

Lies by Familiars

Professional Lie Detectors

Seeing the Pattern of the Liar

Deception Detection Study

Why Liars Get Caught

Liars Even Lie to Themselves

Recruiting Troops

Acceptance of Lying

Defense Against Lies

The Grand Lie

Handling the Liar

Lie Suppression

Confession and Avoidance

Sue the Liar


Defamation Suit

Proof or Poof

Use Their Lies Against Them

Children and the Liar

When Children Lie

Where Do You Fit?

Non-Fatal Flaw

Your Lies

Cold Turkey Truth

Start Repairing the Damage

Admission of Wrongdoing

Correcting Old Lies

Identifying the Liar to Others

Telling the Awful Truth

Perjury in Family Court!

Attorneys and Lies

Court Calls A Liar A Liar

Won't Change Where Children Live

No Lie Double Talk



Chapter 36: Discovery - Deposition

Goal of Discovery

Objection to Discovery

Conduct During Discovery

Electronic Discovery

Feast or Famine

Surprise and Ambush

I Have to Tell Them What?

And If I Won't?

Fruit of the Poisonous Tree


Objecting in Interrogatory

Request for Admissions

Production and Inspection

Documents and Records

Confidentiality - Documentation

Evidence Foundations

Produced by Mistake

Tape-Recorded Conversations

Photographs and Video Tapes

Medical Records

First Strike


Explanation of a Deposition

Four Reasons to Depose

Rules of Deposition

Costs for Deposition

Location of Deposition

Best Time to Depose

Second Deposition

Prepare for a Deposition

The Night Before a Deposition

Deposition in the Morning

Deposition Later in the Day

Your Deposition

Psychological/Emotional Prep

No New News Is Good News

Attorney Preparation

Information Not Protected

Instructions from the Opposition

Advantage of Being Deposed

Custody Deposition Questions

During Your Deposition

Facing the Mad Dog Attorney

Ending the Deposition

Check Your Deposition

Correcting Deposition

Video Deposition

False Documentation

Who Would You Depose?

List of People to Depose

Deposition Outline Form

Opposition's Deposition

During Opposition's Deposition

Check the Deposition

Check Expert's Deposition

Witnesses' Deposition

Deposition Summary

Deposition Indexing

Disprove Statements

Deposition Index by Topic

Failure to Comply




Chapter 37: Judges

Judge or Jury

Getting a Good Judge

Like No Other Law


Controlling the Courtroom

What Judges Want

What Judges Can Do

Judges' Duties

Types of Judges

Which Judge is Mine?

Comparing Judges

Even a Blind Judge will See


Proposed Judgment

Hierarchy in Law

Two Levels of Law

Welcome to the Hotel California

Cost of Being Judged

Private v. Public Judge

Choosing a Judge

Jurisdiction Shopping

Judges Can Step Down

Judge Should Be Removed

Grounds for Removal

Types of Removal




Not Reason for Recusal

Reason for Recusal

Impartiality Questioned

Motion May Fail or Backfire

Dear Judge, Take A Hike

Response to Recusal

Steve Smith

Recusal Cases

Further Reading on Recusal

Venue to Eliminate Bad Judge

Whose Custody Case is this?

How Judges Decide

Inadmissible Evidence

Judicial Power, Can Do

Caucus Settlement Conference

What Judges Cannot Do

Judge Removed from Bench

No Contact with the Judge

Your Court Expectations

Seven Court Situations

Rulings for Non-Compliance

A Matter of Perception

Judicial Immunity

Judges are not Immune

Abuse of Discretion

Improper Delegation

Filing a Formal Complaint

Judge in Hot Water

Confidentiality - Judge




Chapter 38: Child's Testimony

Alternatives to Open Court

Ten Tips to Help Children

Confidentiality - Children

Children Feel Guilt

Child's Need to Know

Why Children Don't Lie Well

Don't Tell Children to Lie

Who Knows the Child Lied?

Children Testifying in Court

Competence to Testify

Knowing Truth from Lie

Challenging Testimony

Fear, Bias, Prejudice

Suppress Testimony

Content of Testimony

Ryan Factors

Chapter 39: Court

Power of the Court


The Ultimate Battlefield

Types of Courts

Supreme Court United States

U.S. Courts of Appeals

Federal Circuit

Appellate Court

Superior Court

Courts of Special Jurisdiction

Military and Child Custody

Tribal Court



Types of Cases

Civil Cases

Criminal Cases

Administrative Cases

All Court Appearances Equal?

Pre-trial Conference

How Subpoenas Work

I Won't Respond

Elements of Contempt

Defenses to Contempt

Court Before Court

Motions in Limine

Your Case Strategy

Court Presentation Outline


Your Assignment

Refreshed Memory

Last Review

Witness's Personal Notes

Courtroom Tips

What Is a Witness?

Witness Preparation

Types of Witnesses

Confidentiality - Witnesses

Contempt of Court

Prima Facie Evidence/Contempt

Criminal Contempt

Proving Contempt of Court

Reimbursement Request Letter

Filing a Contempt Motion

Motion for Contempt Hearing


Visual Impact on the Court

Clothes Make the Witness

Major Problem Areas

Answers in Court

Your Demeanor

Witnesses' Demeanor


A Witness Cannot

Witness Guide for Questions

Five Days Before Court

Prepare/Your Day in Court

The Night Before Court

Court in the Morning

Court Later in the Day

Client Expectations

Types of Attorneys

Ol' Buddy

Crazy Quilt

Word Butcher


New Kid

Mad Dog Attorney


Silent Waiter

The Exposer

Dodging Opposition Fire

Their Bullet, Your Target

Types of Questions

Types of Questioning

Destructive Cross Examination

Not Sure! Not Sure?

Frontal Assault

Who will Attend the Trial?

Your Day in Court

During Trial -- Prepare Appea

Examples of Judges' Rulings

Index of Testimony

Corruption in the Court

Protecting Your Case Record

Termination and Adoption

Voluntary Relinquishment

Termination -- Adoption Stepchild

Social Study Report

Decree of Termination

Involuntary Relinquishment


Termination of Rights




Chapter 40: Child Support

Child Support Reimbursed

Types of Income

Lottery Winnings

Under-the-Table Employment

Recurring Gifts = Income

Bankruptcy - Child Support

Verification of Income

Business Owners

IRS Assistance

Business Closure

Hidden Sources of Income

Hidden Assets

Accessory to Fraud

Proving Hidden Assets

Income Not on Tax Forms

Pay Bonus

Social Security Benefits

Military Personnel Benefits

Income of a Spouse/Paramour

Child Support Theory

Child Support Modeling

Ability to Pay

Ability to Earn

Costs to Rear a Child

Child Support Survey

Child Support Starts

Child Support Ends When

Appropriate Support?

Imputed Income

Modification of Child Support

Voluntarily - Involuntarily Unemployed


No See -- No Pay

Can't See No-pay

Can't Pay

Checkbook Identifies Priorities

Something Every Month

Advised Not to Pay

No Place to Send Payment

No Court Order

Attitude for Paying Support

Remove the Sting of Paying


Out-of-Pocket Medical

Auto Insurance

Support and Bankruptcy

Best Attitude for Receiving

Support Not Spent on Children

Best/Worst States for Collection

Child Support Doesn't Come

Prison and Probation

Collection Methods

International Enforcement

Criminal Non-Support

Waiting Too Long to Collect

Amnesty Program

Arrears Compromise

Military Service and Support

Authorization of Payments

Child Support Court Cases

Religious Objection

Case: License Revocation

Partially Unconstitutional

Child Support Payments

Passport Restrictions

Lottery Payments Frozen

Family Support Act

Spousal Support

Chapter 41: Costs


When is War Chest Spent?

Expense Cost Control

When/Where Money is Spent

Cutting Costs

1. Negotiation

2. Fast-Tracking

3. Rent-A-Judge

Costs Go on Forever

Bankruptcy to Delay

Bill Collectors

Acknowledge Paternity

DHHS Poverty Guidelines

According to the Court

According to the IRS

Dependent Credits

Tax Gifts and Insurance

Earned Income Credit

Use a Good Tax Advisor

Visitation Costs

Chapter 43: End or Beginning


When You Win Custody

Is This the Win I Wanted?

Mental House Cleaning

The Hard Part

To Build a Healthy Child

And the Beat Goes On

When You Lose Custody

Emotions and Feelings

Many Emotions -- Most Hurt

Now is not Forever

Make the Not-So-Good Better

Let Go

Normal Feelings

Usual Challenges

Helpful Applications

Safe Answers

From Today Forward

Concentrate on the Children

New Traditions


Major Holidays

After You're Gone

Seek Support

Start a Support Group


Stress Factors

New Relationships

Red Flags




Chapter 44: New Trial

It Ain't Over When It's Over

The Threat of Appeal

Many Appeals are Filed

No Pro Bono Appeals

Grounds for Appeal

Appeal Example

The Appeal Process

Should You Worry?

Confidentiality - Court

Vexatious Litigation

Discourages Vexatious Suits

Court Refuses Pro Se Filings

Double and Treble Damages

Not Vexatious Litigation


Types of Modification

Change of Circumstances

Positive Improvement



Appendix A

My Child's Rights - My Abilities

Conflict: The Dance

You Would Rather Eat Toads

Contact Goals

Visitation Problem Situations

Motivation Examined

New Responses to Situations

Reactions to Situations

Reaction Chart

Important Personal Documents

Incident Report Options

Incident Report Form

Condition of Child

Observer Fill-In Form

Third-Party Observer Example

Incident List

Incident List Example

Finding Hidden Assets Master List

Side-by-Side Comparison

Where Parents Have Lived

Amber: Since Bobby's Birth

Randall: Since Bobby's Birth

Additional Comparisons

Backup Child Care Program

Back-Up Plan Form

Data Sheet Form

Data Sheet Form Example


Relationship Inventory

Child's Special Wants/Needs

Your Inventory

Opposition's Inventory


Attorney Fee Calculation

Attorney Invoice for Service

Attorney Comparison Form

Assessment Form for Judge




Appendix B

Purposes of Legal Citation





Child Support



Right to Parent

Right to Raise Children




Paternity Fraud Cases

Significant Other






Glossary of Terms Index

Take Charge of Your Child Custody Case

Win Your Child Custody War

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