How to go to Visitation Without Throwing-Up

Dear Joshua, Thank you for the How to go to Visitation book. Sydney Hamrick (10 years old) Milton, FL

It helped me and my parents know what to say to me, do with me, and act with me bout visitation. When you get this letter please know that you helped a lot of kids with your book. Bye. Yours Truly

I think Going to Visitation without Throwing Up is a real good book. Michael Morrison (10 years old), Livingston, TX

My favorite page is the Fill In Feelings page. I liked doing the pages and think other kids will like it too.

Visitation is alrite. Brittany Bello (8 years old) Casper, WY

Visitation is alrite for me but I have meat kids on the airplain who don't like to go. I like the hidden word puzzle. My mom took a long time to find the words I was hiding. Brittany Bello (8 years old) Casper, WY

Cool Book, Please don't list my name because of national security issues.

My dad is in the Air Force and I have visited him in 3 states. We always traveled all the time so it is pretty easy for me but I think this is a cool book.

Inspired a great discussion. Miriam Bishop, Minneapolis, MN

One of my students brought her copy of the How to go to Visitation Without Throwing Up, book to school. The book inspired a discussion that became a class project. Eventually my students presented their work to our principal . He gave us space on the school web site that includes an email support list and chatroom on the school web site for children who are involved in their parents' separations or divorces.

I never had a book like this before. Tony and Richard Leonardo (11 and 6 years old) Brooklyn, NY

I thought I was the only kid that felt like this. My favorite pages are Making the Hands.

Should sell it at the airport. Candice Recar (9 years old), Miami, FL

I like the name of this book Going to Visitation Without Throwing Up. If you have your little brother with you do not use his hand to draw around. It is too small. We both liked the book. It would be good to sell at the airport.

I like the name of this book. Jason Argon, Portland, OR

First, I like the name of this book. Next I like the stuff. I am going to send you some of my stories. I go to my dad's house every other week starting on Friday and to Sunday. My teacher gave me this book for my birthday when I turned 9.

Dual purposes, May 2, 2008

By John Chancellor "Mentor coach, New Orleans, LA

This book appears to try to accomplish two totally different tasks. The first is to provide some insight and guidance to parents and children involving in divorce and custody.

There are some nice bullet points about how a child should deal with the division of time between parents. There are also some points that let a child know that most of the things they are going through are shared by many other young children ... they are not alone.

The second purpose of the book is to provide games and activities for a child to do. There are some interesting activities which appear to be targeted to children between the ages of 8 and 12.

While there is no way for me to judge the quality or interest of the activities, it appears that these could keep a child occupied on a long trip. So it appears that this could be well worth the price of the book a couple of times over.

If the bullet points help the child adjust to the trials of visitation, then it is well worth the price.

It probably would be helpful for parents to read through the book. The one lesson I think parents should take away is don't try to use the child as a pawn to inflict pain on the other parent. Allow the child to freely express their love for both parents.

While I have no first hand experience, I often see the damage done by parent in custody disputes. So if a parent see how this can affect a child, they might think more before engaging in such behavior.

Perfect for those trips you sometimes don't want to make , May 28, 2007

By Michael W. Perry, author of Untangling Tolkien: A Chronology and Commentary for The Lord of the Rings, Seattle, WA

Kids who travel with parents often drive them crazy with questions like, "Are we there yet?" fifteen minutes after leaving on what they know is a six-hour trip. Kids whose parents are divorced or separated often face a far different problem--keeping themselves occupied when traveling alone, as this resourceful boy has, by "car, van, 18-wheeler truck, train, taxicab and airplane."

This book is filled with interesting activities to do while traveling from riddles to games. It also has some practical advice from someone who's been there about "Things that won't help", including an ever-helpful warning that "locking yourself in your room" will do no good.

As someone who didn't begin to write for publication until his forties, I highly recommend this book by someone with the good sense to begin far earlier. And I thank both Joshua and his step-mother for publishing it.

A friend in time of need , December 19, 2006

By Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited", Skopje, Macedonia

Every now and then I come across a book that, slender though it is, makes me sit up and admire the varieties of human empathy and compassion. I never actually contemplated the plight of children on long-distance trips, shuttled between one parent and the other.

These kids are bored, scared, sad, and mad at their parents and at the whole world of immature and narcissistic grownups. This book is a real friend in time of need. It contains travel tales, numerous distracting and fun activities as well as safety tips and advice on how to overcome anxiety and how to behave with your parents and others. The book is a rarity: it is not condescending or patronizing. Allegedly written by a pre-teen, it strikes me as the best gift anyone can buy a child in this predicament.

Highly Recommended , April 28, 2006

By Harm Daluka "Do no Harm"

Most books for children of divorce deal with the issues adults think children face. This book tells me that they are missing the boat. Of the many books attempting to help children deal with their situations I feel that this one is the best. A child knows what a child sees and feels.

I hope Joshua writes another book and keeps us updated on his progress.

A kind and fun-travel companion for a kid going on visitation, December 19, 2005

By Aunt Laya Saul, author

............... "I think visitation kids are the only people in the world who, when they are leaving 'home' they are going 'home'." (from the book) It's good to know you're not alone. In this book, Joshua Evans shares with other kids in ways that are very friendly. It will make a great travel companion.

In this slim, yet packed, 100 page book, there are 15 or so pages of actual reading material. And those pages are reader friendly written by a kid for a kid. It's almost like a letter to the reader, very honest, personal and useful. Like when you feel sick about going on visitation, a list of things that will help you feel better. And a list of things that won't help. A list of reasons why kids don't want to go, and reasons you have to go. There are tips for parents and travel stories.

The rest of the pages are activities for the traveling kid. Some of the things are easy and fun, like the riddles pages. One activity is making kid business cards. Other activities will help a kid go a bit deeper to explore their feelings, hopes, and dreams, like the wish list and writing letters.
I encourage parents to read the "things that make me sad" list. That same list will let kids know that they are not the only ones living with divorce.
When you're helping pack your kid for travel (by car, bus, plane), slip this into his or her backpack with a love note and a hug.

A special book by a special boy, September 4, 2005

By Kurt A. Johnson Marseilles, Illinois

This book was written by a Joshua, a young boy who knows the stresses of visiting non-custodial parents first hand. Having faced the boredom, frustration, anxiety, sense of displacement and sense of powerlessness himself, he wrote this book to help other visiting kids out. It has everything to help a youngster get through something that he or she may barely understand, and have no power to affect. In certain respects this book made me feel sad, but it also shows me what a special kid Joshua is.

Long distance visitation, and the concomitant sense of displacement, can be so disturbing to children, but Joshua succeeded in working through it. And with his help the visiting child in your life can too. If you know a kid who has to travel between parents, then this is a book you really should buy for him or her - it's a must-have.

Take This Book on Parental Visitations, July 21, 2005

By Kurt ABy Donald Mitchell "a Practical Optimist" Boston, MA

Children of divorce have to deal with a lot of problems that no one else ever experiences. One of the worst is when they have to tear up their lives to go on long visit to the parent they usually don't see.
I thought that How to Go to Visitation without Throwing Up was unusually good for those who have to go by plane alone for visitations.
My step-daughter often flew to Chicago when she was growing up to spend time with her father who had moved there. She adored her step sisters and brothers and always had a good time once she was in Chicago. But the thought of the trip and the return always daunted her. I analyzed this book in terms of how much solace it would have provided to her when she was about 10. I think the book would have been a brilliant resource for her.

The book has several different focuses which include: 1. Things that children wish their divorced parents would do and not do. 2. Things that children wish the other people in their lives would do and not do. 3. Affirmations to deal with fears about visitations and other scary subjects. 4. Advice on how to handle the trip with the most pleasure and least risk. 5. Lists to help organize for the trip. 6. Activities to do while traveling and during the visitation. 7. Solace that others have done this before and survived just fine.

In that sense, this isn't a book designed to be read and memorized from beginning to end. It's more like a book to dip into selectively when one needs objective support. It might especially come in handy when a child cannot reach a parent by telephone to talk about her or his feelings.
I suspect that Joshua Shane Evans' step-mother gave him more than a little assist on this project. I salute her for doing so . . . and doing so without adding her name to the cover. Nice!

A book for both kids and parents, May 16, 2005

By C. Yanda ""

Three years ago, my son (who is now 8 years old) began throwing up during visitation. He was so stressed about things his mom said that this was his only way of controlling things. Even though he no longer throws up on visitation, I know he still has some other stress.

I only wish I could get his mother to read it.

Great advice for kids traveling the rocky road of visitation, May 12, 2005

By JackOfMostTrades "Jack" Washington, DC

I was lucky as a child in that my visitation schedule was relaxed and without conflict. Unfortunately, too many children nowadays are caught between competing and often antagonist families when their parents divorce. 'How To Go To Visitation Without Throwing Up's an appropriate-sized advice/activities handbook written by a youngster for other kids, and can serve as a handy companion for those times a child has to prepare for a visit to his or her now-divorced parent.

The book is chock full of simple, child-friendly advice--including everything from pep talks (it's not your fault if there's tension between your parents) to easy-to-play games to make that plane or train or bus trip less stressful. These include riddles, brain teasers, puzzles, and anagrams. But maybe more important are simple, yet helpful exercises for kids to identify their feelings, hopes, and perceptions about themselves, their families and their situations. These include sample letters to write to family, identifying family conflict that might make you upset and how to deal with them; advice on how to help your parents; clarifying values, etc.

These are all written in child-friendly language and in an upbeat format. Unfortunately, kids today live in a complicated world with lots of adults vying for their love and attention, and they too often get caught in the middle. This little book can help children during those potentially stressful moments--perhaps best of all, it can make them understand they are not alone in their situation regardless of the fact that sometimes competing family agendas make them feel that way.

Highly recommended, May 11, 2005

By Sherry Russell Reviewer, Author, Grief Management Consultant, Midwest Book Review, Vero Beach, Florida

How to Go to Visitation without Throwing Up is an excellent book for any person involved with a child being split between two caregivers/parents. Joshua Shane Evans genuinely shares his split world to benefit his readers. The book offers explanations about why kids don't like visitation, why they need to go and why they may feel sick or empty inside.

When children are affected by adult events, they may feel as if their familiar world is being rubbed out with a giant eraser and a new confusing picture is being drawn. This jewel for children has tons of activities to help children get through traveling time, alone time and thinking time.
How to Go to Visitation without Throwing Up is a therapeutic treat for worried young minds.
Highly recommended for all custody situations, professionals working with children, for parents, and child advocates.

Terrific Book, May 9, 2005

By Patricia Kay "author and avid reader" Houston, TX

Although I'm not a kid and I'm not a custodial parent, I am a grandparent of a child who lives with his mother (my son's ex-wife). My son sees his child often, but we don't, not the way we would if our son and his ex were still married. This situation gave me a unique perspective in reading this book. I knew visitation was hard on my grandson, not because he didn't want to be with his dad or his mom, but because it's hard to be torn in two. It's hard to have two bedrooms and two sets of clothes and two loyalties.
Joshua Shane Evans shows us, in this book, just how hard. So much of what I read was poignant and touching. On Page 10, under the heading "Why Kids
Don't Want to Go" he says, "I get left out of a lot of things my friends get to do." And the older a child gets, the harder it is to split time, to leave friends, to get "left out" of what everyone else is doing. Even when you love the non-custodial parent and want to be with him or her.
Much of this well-done book consists of things to do while you're visiting your other parent--things that will take your mind off what you're missing at home and that are fun.
It's a shame kids have to suffer in a divorce, but it's a fact of life. So it's great that there are sensitive, smart kids like Joshua, who has let them know they're not alone.

All about Visitation from A-Z, May 5, 2005

By Sandra McLeod Humphrey "Children's Author and... Minnetonka, MN

I guess I never thought much about visitation before I read Joshua's book and it's a good read for parents as well as for children. His book is packed full of humor, common sense, serious advice, and plenty of kid-friendly activities. He covers just about everything about visitation from A-Z and I love the title. One of the things I like most about this book is the honest expression of feelings--both positive and negative.

This would be a great gift for any child involved in visitation. Highly Recommended!

A Book to Help Kids Cope and Understand at Their Level, April 29, 2005

By Edward J Vasicek Kokomo, IN

Joshua Evans wrote this book as a pre-teen, and in it he explains (in a very short and succinctly way) the emotions and struggles of being shared between two divorced parents and the ups and downs of being shipped off for visitation. He writes in brief sentences in a way that kids will love: from a child to a child. For example, he has a list of "Things that Make Me Sad," including, "It makes me sad when my mom and dad say bad things about one another."
His message can be summarized as: don't live in denial, but focus on the positive. You have no say in much of what happens, and your parents' problems are not your fault, so focus on making the best of it. The author innocently and candidly shares his feelings and (very sensible) conclusions.
Parents who must share a child (or children) would do well to read this little book to better understand a child's perspective.
Most of the book consists of fun games and ideas to help kids pass time while traveling long distances from parent to parent. One example involves counting how many people you see (for example, on a plane) have blond hair, brown hair, black hair, red hair, or are bald. Another involves "mapping a room." Kids will love these downtime fillers.
This type of book is freeing to children, letting them know that the way they feel is normal. They are not the only ones who have to deal with such struggles. Rather than taking the role of the victim, Joshua has chosen to do what he can and he has also chosen to make the best of what he cannot control (a good philosophy for all our lives). His example (and his desire to help other kids) will undoubtedly influence others.
Highly recommended!

A great book, April 20, 2005

By Adam Sacks Calabasas, CA

Because the author is young, there is little pretension. This book is a very honest and forthright account of how the child feels about visitation. It's ups and downs and how to approach it well. A good read especially for kids in his situation...

By kids, for kids -- and parents, April 15, 2005

By Amazonbombshell , (Milwaukie, OR

Written by a "little" boy who sounds wiser than his years, this book for children of divorce is a perfect combination of empathy, practicality, and distraction.
Headings like "Does Anyone Like Visitation?", "Why Kids Don't Want to Go," and "Why Kids Worry" address the real issues kids face when they have to (as Joshua, the author, put it) "leave one home to go to another." In clear language, they highlight feelings kids really have about visitation, and, in so doing, validate those feelings and comfort the many children who think they are alone in their worries. Joshua dwells just long enough on these sections to be a comfort to others -- and then, as his readers will want to do, he moves on to practical things.
He suggests things to pack that make visitation trips more fun, and lists information (phone numbers, addresses, full names, etc) that kids flying alone should know before they leave home. He lists what will and will not help when a child is worried or scared about visitation, and he talks about ways to calm or to face those worries. It's not all talk-talk-talk, though: Joshua includes numerous suggestions for activities to do while traveling or to distract yourself when worried, and lots of fill-in pages to consider your own feelings.
One of my favorite things about this slim volume is its versatility: kids can take it with them anywhere as a combination guidebook/workbook/activity book. Pages are left blank for name anagrams, maps, worry lists, pictures of "happy times," etc. My favorites are the Wish List ("If you know what you want, you will have a better chance of getting it") and Fill-In Feelings.
Though they are usually trying to do what they think is best for their children, adults embroiled in custody battles sometimes forget that it is their CHILDREN'S LIVES that are being re-ordered by a court, without their permission and usually without their input. This book would be helpful not only to help those children understand their feelings and cope with things they can't change, but to help parents -- and indeed anyone who works with children -- to understand what kids are going through.
The only caveat to my five-star recommendation is this: the book mentions God (and occasionally Jesus, in the statements of other children) several times. I do not see this as a shortcoming; acknowledging and working with a Higher Power is very helpful and necessary for many -- perhaps most -- people. Adults purchasing the book should be aware of this bias, and help children to understand it in the context of their own spiritual beliefs.

5 Stars and 5 Hugs, May 12, 2003

By Jackie Runge Palm Springs, CA

As good a book for parents as for children. This young author addresses the challenges children face and demonstrates how children and their parents inadvertently make things harder. His ideas for understanding and improving things are great.
I enjoyed the pages where Joshua identifies the many dangers in the world (in alphabetical order)including Ants, Avalanche, Baths, Bears, Bees, Burglars, Bombs, Crocodiles, Dogs, Drowning, Earthquake, Flood, Forest Fire, Homework, Hurricane, Kiss, Lightning, Monsters, Quicksand, Sharks, Snakes, Spiders, Stage Fright, Terrorist,, Things Under the Bed, Tornado and the Unknown. He lists where the danger lurks, such as Mountains, Where it is Warm or Everywhere. Then Joshua answers "Can I Get Hurt?" with responses like, No kid has ever died from getting clean. Not Ever. or Stay on paths, don't move logs, don't try to kill or tease snakes.
The pages about the things that worry children (including; the dark, getting sick, not having friends, getting dead, scary movies, tests at school, germs, answering questions in class, bullies, making mistakes, losing my things, AND MORE ...) and how he and his friends cope are WONDERFUL.
Lots of feelings explored in a very positive tone.

A Kid's Advice to Other Kids. Well Done!, March 19, 2003

By A Customer

A really good piece of work. Doesn't make the child responsible for the actions of the adults. Helps the child identify, understand and deal with the feelings in a hands-on manner. Amazing how it addresses many of the worries children face. Visualizing the big picture of parenting time while recognizing that it takes small steps to get there.

Everyone must work hard to accomplish a process made more difficult by the legal system and distance. I have an adult child that faced these challenges and a small child that faces them now. I wish the grown child had had this book. The younger child really enjoyed it.

Kids Helping Kids to Cope with Visitation, March 1, 2003

By Sherrie L Clifford, Thorofare, NJ

This book is very well written for kids of all ages. Joshua has written a book that will help many kids going through the life of being bounced around from one parent to parent which is not easy for a child at any age. ...Great job Joshua...

Helping Children and Parents since 1992